You already have here a new installment of sex office that each week brings you 20 minutes. To ask your question write to [email protected]

These are the answers this week has given our expert, Santiago Frago.

The other made me enjoy like never before, my husband didn’t

QUESTION Due to irrelevant circumstances, I have cheated on my husband with another man. I have the logical regrets and I am not going to say anything to him because I love him and I plan to continue with him.

The thing is that the night that happened, the other man made me enjoy like never before and I really want to repeat that experience (with my husband, sex is minimally pleasant and little else). But I do not know what to do.

The option to propose other things my husband and games rule, really. I am in a sea of ​​doubts. What I do?

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT Among humans there is a natural tendency to meet the other, because we are social beings. The desire to meet leads us to feel attracted to others, the attraction can lead to falling in love and if this process continues, love arises.

The search for a certain balance between love and the passionate and erotic component is a suggestive desire that we try to achieve and maintain.

An erotic experience, alien to the usual relationship, is usually surrounded by a series of ingredients that usually make it especially suggestive: novelty, mystery, intrigue, expectation, attraction, transgression, feeling wanted and fantasy; in short, it is an experience that moves on the plane of emotion and sensation; And if we add to that the ingredient that we do not demand any proof of love from the lover, the pleasure of transgression is a probable reality.

The comparative analysis you make of your erotic experiences They are not realistic because both are built with different standards and different variables play.

My suggestion is that your reflection be carried away, not so much by the sensations obtained in a specific erotic experience, but by rethinking the intimate sphere of your current relationship.

Painful urination after intercourse

QUESTION After sex with my boy it hurts to urinate. It’s a sustained pain and I’m worried. During intercourse everything is fine, it is later, when urinating. Could something hit me? It has happened to me for a month or so.

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT “Post-coital cystitis” is a very frequent infection and represents 70% of urological consultations in women; is probably what is happening to you.

The cause is due to a bacterium that habitually lives in the digestive system. In women the anal and vaginal areas are very close and therefore it is easy to understand that the erotic encounter facilitates that the bacteria enter the urethra and easily ascend to the bladder, where it is capable of attaching itself and causing an infection of the lower urinary tract.

I indicate some suggestions to prevent your recurrent cystitis:

1. Always try to maintain correct hygiene in the genital area.

2. Always wipe from front to back to avoid dragging germs.

3. Wash your hands and genital area before and after intercourse.

4. Use moisturizer to reduce coital friction.

5. Avoid touching the anus to help prevent the spread of microorganisms.

6. Empty your bladder after erotic intercourse.

7. If your cystitis is very repetitive, it would be necessary to take a single dose of antibiotic after sexual intercourse, but always under medical prescription.

8. Do not abuse drinks such as coffee or tea and alcohol that irritate the bladder. And it is advisable to drink plenty of water.

9. Wear cotton underwear and avoid tight pants.

10. Avoid constipation or diarrhea.

11. Diet rich in antioxidants, eg. blueberries, cherries, strawberries….

I’m gay and a girl ‘chases me’

QUESTION I am a young gay man. The fact is that a couple of weeks ago I was in a threesome with a boy but also a girl. And now she’s chasing me; She says that she is in love with me and that she is going to “take away” from me being a homosexual, which I am for her.

The sexual encounter with her I liked it, but it’s making me rethink things. I am very confused, what do you advise me?

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT The orientation of sexual desire is not dimorphic, that is, it does not move in terms of black or white. The orientation of the desire moves in intersex parameters, ie, in predominances.

You don’t specify the age What’s wrong; the know would do me some precision about the confusions express.

Our reality as bio-psycho-social beings makes our wish become aware of what we like and preferably attract, although this does not prevent us from making specific movements towards another direction and even enjoying it.

The sexual orientation It moves in the key of desire and not in the key of erotic behavior, that is, being curious and even having an erotic encounter with someone of the same sex, does not determine the fundamental essence of your sexual orientation. In the same way that a satisfying erotic encounter with persons of the other sex, it does not determine a heterosexual orientation of desire.

He almost always rejects me

QUESTION Is it possible to regain or help regain your partner’s sexual appetite after confinement? Our sexual relationships have been affected. We were separated for 2 months and then we lived together with other colleagues and he had no sexual appetite; By lowering the stress a bit and moving alone, he continues without feeling like it but with the same activities and working from home.

I am looking for help to help my partner regain his desire. We do it very infrequently and it almost always rejects me and closes (hangs for that issue). Confinement has hurt him a lot, since he lived in a room and did everything in it: work, rest …

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT A time of forced social restrictions, of inevitable loss of Privacy in your case and a new way of approaching daily work implies inevitable changes in customs, habits and, surely, emotional ones; Logically, therefore altering the erotic dimension of some people.

It is likely that once normality is restored after the imminent vaccination of the population, your partner will recover his erotic tone habitual. And if not, we should analyze other aspects of your health and relational life.

Before suggesting any key to awaken her erotic desire, I would comment that you do not interpret her refusal to have a sexual encounter as a synonym of rejection of yourself, she is simply being sincere with her desire, with herself and with you.

The wish Your partner’s eroticism, hampered by the situation caused by the pandemic, may also be limited by certain mortgages that I will now list and which should be avoided:

1. Predictability and routine scripts, that is, “know and intuit how everything is going to unfold.”

2. The desire to have desire, that is, “not being able to afford not to have desire.”

3. The absolute availability of the couple is, “feel that my partner is always waiting.”

4. Feeling the social obligation to have sex, that is, “we are still young and have few relationships”, “at this rate when we are older we will not do anything”.

5. Network of friends and their unique experiences, that is, “all our friends want each other and play, except us.”

6. Previous erotic difficulties and fear of not living up to what my partner expects of me.

If your partner feels any of these mortgages the reasonable thing is that their desire has been affected.

And if after talking with your partner about these circumstances you do not know how to give yourself an answer that resolves the situation, I suggest you go to a professional of Sexology that will indicate some strategy to energize your erotic life and eliminate the collateral fears that assail you.