You can now read here the new installment of the Psychology office with which 20minutos aims to help solve the doubts and difficulties that readers may have (with friends, partner, family, at work …).
To raise your problem write an email to email@example.com. Here are the answers he has given to this week’s questions our expert, Mª Jesús Álava Reyes.
Help a child with Covid
QUESTION I wanted to know how to help my son who has Covid, I live with my sister, my son and I, and 12 days ago they were both diagnosed positive, I was negative, my son has mild symptoms and my sister, how has 58 years and other pathologies, they have done more tests and she has been hospitalized for two days.
This has made my son’s nerves a little worse, she is already home but he is still nervous anyway (he worries a lot about the color of the mucus). How can I help you?
ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT The danger in these situations is that they become obsessed with symptoms instead of focusing on advances. But it is an emotional issue rather than a rational one.
If your child could make a objective reflection he would be calmer, but right now his thoughts are very distorted, and those thoughts are what cause his fears.
Try to keep your child very focused on activities that relax or distract him the most. It will be crucial that you ‘disconnect’ a bit from news about covid, don’t read the symptoms over and over again.
Even if it costs you, ask for their help with certain tasks. The being busy it will come in handy.
Finally, remember that the sense of humor It helps to relativize these moments, helps to calm us emotionally and is a very comforting balm. Try to create situations where humor and joy are the protagonists (I know it is difficult, but try it, it will be of great help).
QUESTION I have ended a relationship and I see no way out, I feel alone, I have no one to talk to, I feel that this consumes my life.
ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT This feeling is very frequent in certain cases, when a relationship that occupied the main spheres of our life ends. There are people who stay as one kind of shock and they elaborate very catastrophic thoughts that trigger emotions like the ones you describe.
The soledad He feels he fights and his overcomes from the action. Even if you feel like you have no one to talk to right now, the reality is that you can. But it is crucial that you turn to the different areas of his life: work, studies, family, friends, sports, leisure …
And for the world to stay at home, because that would only serve to isolate even more and to be filled with a loneliness that at this moment is unbreathable. In the book ‘Recovering the illusion’ I detail more than 200 activities that we can do in these cases.
Fifteen years together and his mother first
QUESTION My partner is different, he no longer takes pictures with me and says that his mother is his mother and she is above all. We have been together for 15 years and we have children and he puts his mother above everything, I don’t know what to do anymore.
ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT Something has probably happened to make your partner have that attitude. Has something happened in the family, with her mother-in-law, in your enviroment? If you have been together for 15 years and so far things have been going well, it is advisable to act with great tact and empathy.
Listen and stay very receptive, that your partner does not feel attacked or pressured. It is much more what you will achieve from empathy than from demand.
Once you are clear about what is happening, it will be time to act and clearly state the situation. Tell your partner that they have to reach an agreement of coexistence, where you will ask him for something very specific, for you it is essential, and he, in return, will also ask for something that is key.
These agreements will be reviewed every week and, depending on how they have gone, each of you will formulate new ones requests. But remember, the goal is rapprochement, not conflict.
In the book ‘Loving without suffering’ I detail how to react in these situations of crisis and how to reach agreements that are satisfactory to both parties.
Finally, remember that your children will be very expectant about their relationship and their behaviors; try to create a good atmosphere in the family.