How are you in sex? Keys to discovering your “erotic self”

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Tips for deepening self-knowledge and communication with the other.

Currently I do not have a partner, but whenever I have had one they complain that I am not very sexual, and not because I do not feel like it, but because of how I behave in bed. They tell me that I do not express myself, that I do not let go, that I am not erotic and that perhaps I am blocked. The truth is, sex has always been taboo at home and I had little to say no sex education. In some moments I am ashamed, and in others I do not feel connected to myself.

You may have never heard of this concept: the erotic self. If so, the cause is in the misinformation and in the little importance that continues to be given to sexual self-knowledge. The social belief continues to be that if this sexual self-discovery is promoted, we will be promoting promiscuous people, because we have associated this idea that sexual information causes “lack of control” when, in reality, knowledge encourages control, positioning and invites reflection .

But today, if you wish and want to delve into discovering your erotic self, you can change the course of your inner sexual world. Did you ever wonder who you are sexually speaking? Sure you know how to define yourself as a worker, as a friend, as a partner, as a son / daughter, etc., but not as a lover, because we were never taught to think about that.

To achieve this, the first step is to know the main blocks that define sexuality. The first is eroticism.

To know it, you must first connect with your body, you must be able to accept it, love yourself, see yourself in the mirror and love yourself, because if not, your complexes and shame will block your eroticism. Then it’s about boost it.

Did you ever wonder how you feel erotic? There are people who achieve it with the smell, with a good perfume, others through clothing, others with attitude … Look for your erotic and potential points.

Once achieved, you must discover your body at the level of stimuli: what stimulates you, in which parts of the body you have more sensitivity, what are your main erogenous zones … Draw a body map and identify your key points, and how you like them to be stimulated.

And finally it is time to delve into your fantasies. Do you like to fantasize? Are you clear about your sexual tastes? This aspect is quite abstract and difficult to define, but it is about discovering your erotic mind.

There are people who like to fantasize and there are others who don’t. There are people who have very clear tastes and others who may not know them because they have yet to discover them.

The second block is seduction. At this point you are exposing yourself to the other; It is the block in which you show your eroticism to another person and the seduction begins. Do you tend to be seductive with your eyes, or perhaps with your words?

Knowing your strengths will help you be confident in this area, because exposing ourselves to the critical gaze and possible rejection of the other is not easy for our self-esteem. Therefore, first you have to discover yourself, know how you approach and connect with the person you like. And then learn to manage rejection if the situation occurs; Do not live it as something personal or initiate endless attacks and criticism of yourself.

Finally we have the relationship block. Learning to dance with the other, sexually speaking, is a key point of your erotic self: knowing what erotic games you like, what do you feel comfortable with, how do you obtain pleasure, how do you get to know the body of your sexual partner and do it enjoy, and how you communicate sexually with the other. All these factors are essential points to have a strong, worked erotic self that knows how to connect.

As you will see, in principle it touches focus on yourself. Then reflect on how you bond with the other. And, in the end, think about how you live the game positively and how you take advantage of it. It is about listening to you, giving yourself time to discover yourself, knowing how to speak with your sexuality, with your desires, with your fears and insecurities and knowing how to find your erotic self in all its facets.

One of the frequent mistakes it’s that we don’t give ourselves quality time. We tend to engage in action and not introspection. And to get a good erotic self that is the first step, stop time, breathe, listen to you without judgment and reflect in order to assimilate.

Once all these points have been made, you will have discovered your current erotic self, but you should not stop there. If there is something that you do not like, that you want to change or overcome – such as blocks or fears that make your erotic self insecure in some respects – it is time to get to work.

Look for ways to make the change, whether it is reading about it, setting small goals and challenges, seeking professional support, and so on. Sexuality is moldable In all those aspects that are blocked, it can always be enhanced and increased, so I encourage you to think about it. But remember that to achieve well-being in your life the most important thing is to be able to be yourself in all your vital facets.

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