10 signs you are in an unhealthy and toxic relationship

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We all engage in unhealthy behaviors at some point. If it is about relationships, we can learn to love better by recognizing toxic signals, and changing them for healthier behaviors. If you are seeing signs of toxic behaviors in your relationship, never ignore them, understand that an unhealthy relationship could escalate to abuse.

1. Intensity

This is when someone expresses very extreme feelings and exaggerated behavior that feels overwhelming. Things get too intense if you feel like someone is picking up the pace of the relationship (gets too strong, too fast) and seems obsessed with wanting to see you and being in constant contact.

2. Possessiveness

That is, when someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you hang out with and what you do. While jealousy is a normal human emotion, they become unhealthy when they make someone control or attack you.

For example, they get angry when you text or hang out with people who make them feel threatened, wrongly accuse you of flirting or cheating on them, or even go so far as to stalk you. They often excuse possessiveness by saying that they are overprotective or have very strong feelings for you.

3. Handling

This is characteristic of an unhealthy and toxic relationship. It occurs when someone tries to control your decisions, actions or emotions. Tampering is often difficult to detect, because it can be expressed in a subtle or passive-aggressive way. You know that you are being manipulated if someone is trying to convince you to do things that you are not comfortable with, ignore you until they have their way, or try to influence your feelings.

4. Isolation

This happens when someone keeps you away from your friends, family, or other people. This behavior often starts out slowly when they ask you to spend more and more time with them, but then they may start asking you to stop seeing certain people.

Most of the time, they will ask you to choose between them and your friends, insist that you spend all your time with them, or make you question your own judgment of your friends and family. If you are experiencing isolation, you may end up feeling that you are dependent on your partner for love, money, or acceptance.

5. Sabotage

When someone intentionally ruins your reputation, achievements, or success. Sabotage includes preventing you from doing things that are important to you. Behaviors like talking behind your back, starting rumors, or threatening to share private information about you are also sabotage.

6. Contempt

When someone does and says things that make you feel bad about yourself. This includes calling you names, making rude comments about people close to you, or criticizing you. It is also contempt when someone teases you in a way that makes you feel bad, even if it is interpreted as a joke. Over time, this can cause you to lose confidence in yourself or your abilities.

7. Guilt

When someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you feel like it’s your job to keep them happy. They can blame you for things that are out of your control and make you feel bad for them.. This includes threatening to hurt yourself or others if you don’t do what they say or if you don’t stay with them.

They can also pressure you to do something that you are not comfortable with repeating that it is important to them and that if you do not do it you will hurt their feelings.

8. Volatility

This happens when someone has a really strong and unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused, or intimidated. A volatile person makes you feel that you need be careful with everything you say and do when you are with them or will have extreme reactions to small things.

A relationship with these types of people can seem like a roller coaster of extreme ups and downs. They may overreact to little things, have big mood swings, or lose control and become violent, yelling or threatening you.

9. Diversion of responsibility

This is when someone repeatedly makes excuses for unhealthy behavior and a lot goes into an unhealthy relationship. They may blame you or other people for their own actions. Often this includes making excuses based on alcohol or drug use, mental health problems, or past experiences (such as a cheating ex or divorced parents).

10. Treason

When someone is unfair or acts intentionally dishonest. They can act like a different person in the presence of other people or share private information about you with other people. It also includes lying, deliberately missing yourself, being two-faced, or cheating on yourself.

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